Tuesday, March 1, 2011

on mamahood

juli + tula mirth, age 3 by juli

i am a single mama.  i have been since before my daughter was even born.  it is an interesting thing to become pregnant at the tail-end of a worn relationship.  you do a lot of double-takes, or at least i did.  friends, colleagues, family all worry about you and never quite know what to think. 

i decided early on that i would not let anything impede my path for the life i wanted for us and that is certainly a bit hard.  many things in my life have changed, as they do for any new parents, but doing it alone is incredibly humbling.  there is only you standing there trembling under the pressures of your tough judgments about your own parenting skills and only you to pick yourself up when you stumble.

yellow light, yellow bug by juli
mamahood is the single hardest job i have ever had but it is also the most wonderful.  each day i learn something about life or myself.  i remember to slow down to watch my daughter as she opens to the world and i remember to play.  tula mirth brings me into her imagination and i bring her into mine.  we could spend an hour talking about our favorite illustrations or playing jokes on each other.  she has given me a path back to childhood through her eyes to enjoy a more whimsical life and a reason to practice imagination.

without her, i would have never done so many fun things.  i have compiled a small list here (but it goes on and on):

1) i would never have built a treehouse inside a house
2) i would not drive during full daylight in an animal mask (well, maybe)
3) i would not spread glitter in the bathroom and act like the tooth fairy is checking on toothbrushes
4) i would not own a rickshaw
5) i would not anticipate the arrival of santa claus starting in july
6) i would not draw faces on clementines
7) i would not know someone so perfectly
8) i would not have invented the toenail polish technique "sunshine and clouds" (two shades of blue and one yellow) which is on demand at the moment
9) i would not have adopted a small brown squirrel dog (i am a big dog snob)
10) i would not laugh with my whole heart so much

the mouse clementine, by juli


  1. Women are amazing creatures. Kudos to you for your hard work and dedication to motherhood :)

  2. That was too beautiful. Dang it, my eyes are welling up!
    What a special, special thing you have. Wow, just wonderful!

  3. this was perfect. i'm a single mom too, and it is at once the most sublime and the most torturously difficult thing in the universe.
    thank you for this. :)

  4. juli is the second best mom ever (behind my mom of course).

  5. Well, if this isn't the most perfect post, I don't know what could be.
    Thank you for it.


  6. it is a wonderful journey. beautiful sentiments. xo m.

  7. I absolutely LOVE the glitter in the bathroom...right now we are having a difficult time (to say the least) with brushing....but I think I deserve the blame :).

  8. How wonderful! I am thoroughly enjoying your blog and your perspective on life.

  9. i know you not, though brought to tears at how beautifully put. you are stronger than i. my children have stolen my heart day after day, my wish is to never have it back. please give your little lady a butterfly kiss and hold her tight. congratulations!


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